I had such high expectations for my New Year’s Eve in 2016. My friends and I went to a big masquerade party complete with food, a live band, dancing, and all of your typical party horns and party props. It was a formal party that we got to dress up for. I was so excited! My first single New Year’s eve! The possibilities were endless. I had the typical New Years fantasy that every single girl has at one time or another. Go to this party, meet a special someone, and at the stroke of midnight, have a new year’s kiss that rocked my world! Anyone else? Just me who had this fantasy?
We get to the party and start to eat and dance. To my extreme disappointment, I’m pretty sure there were only 4 single people there that night at the party. Me and my two friends and this other guy we met, who for the life of me, I cannot remember his name. Everyone there was coupled up, not to mention it seemed to be an older crowd. Adding on to that extreme disappointment, the only kiss I had at midnight, was the kiss goodbye to my fantasy that completely did not happen. The night winds down, party is ending and we are leaving. On the way out we met a girl who was waiting on her boyfriend to come out of the bathroom. When he came out, they annoyingly started kissing and being all in love and what not. I say annoyingly because I was hatin’, mad hard, and for the first time the realization of being single set in.
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You see, the first 6 months after the breakup I went through, I was loving every single minute of being single. I finally felt free! I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. Going from long term, back to back relationships, the last 7 years of my life to finally being single, was an experience I never truly had. My very first holiday I experienced single, was the Fourth of July. I spent the holiday at the pool all day, and then ending the night with burgers and fireworks. It was the best first holiday as a single lady ever. I got to spend it with girlfriends and was loving life being all by myself. The rest of the holidays that year were great! They were spent around family and friends. Single life? “Why had I never done this before?!”
Well then New Year’s happened. And honestly, that was the hardest holiday for me as a single lady (yup Valentine’s Day was actually one of my favorites….story coming soon). It was the first time that I actually felt alone. I missed having that new year’s kiss and having a special someone. Overall, the night wasn’t bad, despite my disappointment. But honestly, I had more fun before the party at my place getting ready and hanging out with my friends, than at the actual party.
Despite my let down on New Year’s, that by no means had any effect on the year I had in 2017. I distinctly remember at the beginning of the year knowing that it was going to be an amazing year. Good things were in store, I could just feel it! But if I am being real with you, the one thing that I assumed was going to happen, was that I would finally meet my future husband and start that relationship.
Well, sure enough 2017 was indeed one of the best years of my life. I got to travel to so many places, experience so many new adventures, and accomplish so many things I never dreamed possible. I grew closer to God, and my relationship with Him has never been stronger. It is ironic because at the beginning of the year, in my mind, Happiness equaled being in a relationship. Happiness was not self-induced but brought by another person, which is completely untrue. In 2017, I learned that there are much greater things in life, greater sources of happiness and joy. I grew in my contentment with being single. I never felt more loved, happy, and fulfilled being alone, than in any other relationship I had before. You see the issue before, and that I have made my entire life is putting all of my hope, faith, and trust in another man, in the relationship I was in at the time. And naturally when you do that, you are 100% guaranteed to be let down every time. We as humans are not perfect and will always let people down. But, God won’t. He is the only one who will never let us down, never betray us, and ALWAYS love us unconditionally.